Clouding: Day 5

Word Count: 30,025

Summary of Events:

Theresa's mother was altering a black dress she had to fit Theresa better and the two of them had a discussion about what could possibly be the purpose of the murders. Asher was quite curious as to who had occupied the cave before him and started looking around for clues; those he found suggested  the person had committed a crime in nearby Tucson. Bennett had brought over some food his aunt had prepared and sat with Theresa after supper; they had a bit of discussion about the demise of her father and how it might affect their future together, among other things . . .

Excerpt of the Day:

"How can I live without Papa?" Theresa asked.

Bennett sighed. "I wish I had answers, but I don't Theresa, I'm sorry, I really am."

Theresa put the handkerchief over her face and sobbed.

"I'm sure you'll find a way," Bennett said. "Somehow."

She had her doubts. Even though Mama seemed so completely and thoroughly at peace with the fact that Papa was gone, she didn't know how Mama could be so accepting of it. Surely Mama was just in shock at the loss; maybe she was even trying to deny it because she hadn't seen Papa's body yet and confirmed that he was actually dead like she'd been told.

The fact that Mama had such a resolve to be at peace even made Theresa somewhat upset now that she really thought about it. How could Mama be married thirty years to Papa and then not even feel inclined to miss him when he was gone? It was impossible.

Yes, Papa had always been occupied by taking car of the farm — both here and in Wisconsin before they'd moved — and then later by taking care of Tucson, but he hadn't been altogether absent; in fact, for all his busyness, Papa had been incredibly present.

He'd always had time to tell them a story, take them along, teach them, admonish them, encourage them. Even without seeing the physical proof that Papa was gone — a proof she didn't really want to see, to be honest — Theresa could feel his absence acutely.

Surely Mama ought to be feeling his absence doubly more, being as she had spent far more time with papa, having known him for far longer than Theresa herself had, and yet Mama seemed unable to miss Papa.

"Theresa," Bennett said, breaking into her thoughts. "Did you hear me?"

"What did you say?" Theresa asked.

"I wouldn't ask you to get married this year," Bennett replied. "I never had plans of doing that originally, but I will marry you, even if you can't bring yourself to be happy on our wedding day because you miss your father so much."

Theresa nodded, dabbing more tears from her eyes.

"I do plan on marrying you soon, though," Bennett said. "After all, if we were to wait too much longer you'd be considered an old maid."

At this point, Theresa didn't really care how old she was when she got married. If she were to get married in two or three years wouldn't bother her, in fact, she was now questioning her desire to be married; had it been the right thing? Or ought she live alone for the rest of her days? She wouldn't want to upset Bennett by being inconsolable on their wedding day.

She'd always dreamed of her wedding day being the happiest day of her life, but she didn't know that it could be that way with this tragedy. She might be able to have moments without crying now, but to ever be happy again? That was surely near-impossible.