Derailment: Day 11

Word Count: 66,021

Summary of Events:
Fox Paw got into thinking about her fear of death while picking beans and got incredibly distressed by it. During the heat of the day Matthew fell asleep and dreamed of the day he was invited — with a little subtle force — to Josephina's parents' house. When Matthew came to answer questions again Fox Paw asked him what the meaning to life was and got angry at his answer, running off. Matthew followed her and ended up accidentally calling her Rebecca — the white name he'd given her — aloud. Badger Ears came to visit Fox Paw and talked with her at length — even though she didn't want to talk at all.

Excerpt of the Day:
""Sometimes just speaking one's troubles aloud helps one to solve them," Badger Ears said. "So even if I don't understand, surely the speaking them aloud will aid you."
"I do not wish to speak them aloud," Fox Paw said.
"They trouble you greatly," Badger Ears said. "And it saddens and distresses me to see you so troubled; how will you possibly be able to enjoy our wedding if you are so distressed by the things of your mind? Will you even marry me if you are so troubled?"
"I do not know," Fox Paw replied.
"You are my most beloved," Badger Ears said. "I would not dare marry another, I wish to see your troubles relieved; what can be done to cause such a thing to happen?"
"I do not know," Fox Paw replied.
Badger Ears sighed. "You are a greater vexation to me than either of my prior wives, but yet I persist in my intent to marry you."
Fox Paw bowed her head and looked down at her feet, still dirty from the mud made by walking with her wet feet on the dry ground. "I am sorry I trouble you."
"Why are you apologizing?" Badger Ears asked. "You are the one who is being troubled, and you will only trouble yourself worse if you begin to suggest the idea that you are causing others trouble."
Fox Paw was silent, she felt like she'd upset Badger Ears by being troubled, and by suggesting that she was troubling him; she felt completely confused and even more distressed by the lack of sense.
"Shall we go to the elders and ask them to petition the Spirits that you might be relieved of all your troubles — or given the wisdom to find the relief you need?" Badger Ears asked.
"No," Fox Paw replied. "The Spirits will not be of any aid."
"And why should they not be?" Badger Ears asked.
Fox Paw said nothing.
"Please, tell me, why should the Spirits not be of any aid?" Badger Ears asked. "They have given much guidance to our forefathers, and even to us. They are surely able to bring us aid now, far better than the God your father and the white man believe in."
Fox Paw maintained her silence. She refused to tell Badger Ears the Spirits distressed her, and if she said that they didn't or anything else he would surely be intent and much stronger in his urging to get her to go and seek the Spirits' counsel.
"If you will not speak of your troubles to me, then I will leave that you may speak of your troubles to the Spirits here, and hopefully you will be much relieved from the troubles that so grievously plague you," Badger Ears said. "May you find peace my beloved.""