Helpless: Day 3

Word Count: 18,007

Summary of Events:

Mikolaj, done with harvesting, returned to help his employer for the last few days of the work season, during which he watched labourers build a wall around the land the knights had acquired, purportedly for a residence for the Wojewoda, but Mikolaj wasn't sure. Upon learning that he was to be barred from receiving a rite from the church for his outburst against the priest, Mikolaj elected to skip church and go inspect the wall, which took longer than he'd expected, and led to his mother being troubled, thus he was unsurprised when she came into his room just after bedtime to seek the explanation he'd not wanted to give before his sisters . . .

Excerpt of the Day:

He said nothing as Mama crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed before turning toward him and stroking a stray group of hairs toward his ear.

“Will you tell me now Mikolaj?” Mama asked.

“Yes Mama,” Mikolaj replied.

Mama looked at him expectantly.

Despite their privacy, the words seemed to lodge in Mikolaj’s throat. He wasn’t sure if it was them balking at having to come out, or because they all wanted to come out at once.

“Tell me Mikolaj,” Mama pleaded.

Swallowing the words back down so that they could sort themselves out, Mikolaj tried again.

“I… I couldn’t do it,” Mikolaj replied.

“Couldn’t do what?” Mama asked.

“I couldn’t go in there,” Mikolaj replied.

“In the church?” Mama asked. “Why?”

“It isn’t doing me any good Mama,” Mikolaj replied.

Mama looked horrified.

“I have prayed so hard, so faithfully, so desperately,” Mikolaj replied. “But the Swięty won’t hear me.”

Grief came over Mama’s face, a tear trailing down her cheek with rather surprising swiftness.

“I don’t have the strength to try anymore Mama,” Mikolaj said. “If they won’t help me, then I don’t see any reason in wasting their time.”

“Oh Mikolaj,” Mama said, reaching her hand around so as to place it behind his shoulder.

Mikolaj sat up and embraced Mama.

“I’m sorry Mama,” Mikolaj said. “I shouldn’t despair like this, but…”

He leaned his head against Mama’s and squeezed her tightly.

After a long time, he felt Mama shifting as if she wanted to be free of his embrace, so he released her and shifted himself so that he could stay upright and have a better view of her face.

“I don’t know what to do Mama,” Mikolaj said. “But I would never run away. I didn’t mean to scare you or anyone else. I just meant to pass the time. I promise Mama.”
“I believe you,” Mama replied. “But… but I am sore with grief that when you most need the prayers of the Swięty, you would refuse them.”

“I have done everything I can think of to please them,” Mikolaj said. He bit his tongue before he could say the rest of what he wanted to. Mama surely wouldn’t appreciate him rather bitterly demanding to know why the Swięty would listen to him now, considering all his previous efforts.

“Have you trusted their wisdom Mikolaj?” Mama asked. “Have you trusted that they know what is best better than you do?”

Firmly Mikolaj bit his tongue, lest he demand of Mama how the death of his family was better than their ongoing life, because he felt that if he kept looking to the Swięty for help, death was all he was going to get.

“Oh don’t give up now Mikolaj,” Mama pleaded. “Please don’t give up.”

Mikolaj said nothing. He couldn’t guarantee whether he’d be able to hang on to the few shreds of hope that remained in his grasp against the overwhelming helplessness that sought to end him.

Pronunciation:

Wojewoda: vawjehvawdah